2014 四月
站在你身边会是什么样的感觉？望着你说话的时候，头要抬高多少？你是侧脸好看些，还是正脸呢？我们走在一起会不会登对啊？一开始会尴尬吗？这些我都好想知道。
April 2014
What does it will like to stand beside you? How high should I lift my head when we talk? Do you tend to look better from the side or from the front? How will we look like as a couple? Will it be awkward? I can't wait to find out.

2015 十月
自然。站在身边，望着你说话，走在一起，一起在走。一切成了自然。
October 2015
It's natural. To stand by you, to look you in the face and talk, to walk, to walk together. It's all become natural.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

LDR, long distance relationship. A mental sport.

It takes you out of your comfort zone and pushes you into an unknown.
Well, not exactly unknown, but you tend to have a blurred vision, nothing is clear cut anymore.
Some feel excited about the challenge, some are frightened.
Either way, it tests your courage.

Success depends not on training or experience, not even on the depth of love.
In fact, there is no way to predict success.

Professional athletes may avoid this sport.
They generally prefer basketball, tennis, swimming, cycling, and other kinds of conventional sport.
Some fear LDR, some fear failure.

But the good news is, this is a doubles kind of sport.
So you never have to fight alone, you get to choose a partner.

女孩天生喜欢文字游戏，而男孩天生挚爱球场上的游戏。
女孩总是习惯长篇大论着表达爱；男孩有时跟着回应，有时沉默。
于是，想象力丰富的女孩有了一百种理由解释男孩的冷漠，开始拿着这些理由质问起他。
战争马上开始。

路人见了说，“傻瓜，那男孩根本不喜欢文字游戏，他只是很喜欢你。
跟你一起玩你的文字游戏是爱你的方式，沉默看着你也是爱你的方式。”

December likes you.

Even though he only manages to cross paths with you for a brief moment, only after much chaos in a full year, you're always on his mind.  Though it may seem as if December made no effort to keep in touch sometimes, you can rest assured that he will always show up at the exact time he promised.  It's just not his fashion to break promises.  You may also think December isn't all that important.  After all, it's just a month of festivals and celebrations.  You think people only enjoy and celebrate when they have free time - extra time - that they have no idea how to spend.  You think busy people don't celebrate, they have their own lives to live.  You think you'd like to become one of the busy people, they seem more grown up.

December doesn't agree with you; for he exists, exclusively for you.

He knows exactly when you need a break from the year, and that's when he always steps in, just in time, like a safety net, ready to embrace your fall.  December says this is where you recharge and refuel, and he doesn't leave you to do that alone.  Sometimes, he even does it for you.

Then, when it is time to go, December is not afraid, he sends you off with many wishes, knowing that another year of adventure awaits.  He knows you will flourish as you walk from January to November.  He knows you will return to eagerly exchange many stories when you meet again.  He is just as excited as you are, and when you're gone, he will miss you more than you imagine.

I think it is the most gentle act of love when December throws a private party on New Year's Eve for you, where both of you sit down in each other's company and do nothing in particular, enjoying a mere form of co-existing.  For as they say, true intimacy lies in the art of doing nothing at all with the people who matter.  And silence amplifies the beating of hearts in moments such as these.

Some would tell you not to be too sad as you count down to farewell,
but only you know you are giving thanks for the good year well spent, together and apart.

有双眼睛看见了中国，让阿公给我说了小时候听过最精彩的故事。
那时，最羡慕的就是那双老花眼睛，因为它看得懂报纸上密密麻麻的繁体字！
（那是连学校老师都没有教呢！）

可现在看着我的时候，阿公皱起了眉头。
要很用力才看得见我吗？
...............

小时候，我调皮，我玩脏了，是阿嫲那双神奇的手还我白白的校衣，校鞋。
那时，最害怕的就是她生气的时候手会特别有力，打下去可疼了！
（不过还是疼我的时候比较多的。。）

可现在小手牵小手的时候，阿嫲抓着我像一个孩子抓着娘一样。
我可以是你的安全感吗？

She is the girl who plays with words, they have been her favourite toy for as long as she could remember.

Some words are so easy to use, the I, Me and Myself, so short and simple we literally use it all the time.
        "Yes, I did this all by myself."
        "No, It wasn't me."

Others more difficult to utter, the thank you-s and sorry-s that may take a while to escape our lips.
        "Thank you for all that you've done for me."
        "Thank you for everything you could have used to hurt me, but you didn't."
        "I'm sorry it ever happened."

Some words are magical, the love and the hate, they can make and break.
        "I love you too."
        "Please don't hate me."

Forever is a magical word.  :)
And this girl, well, she has always been extra careful with magic.
'Cause a little magic is fun, but you don't play with magic, do you?
You only use it when you are fully aware of what comes next, if you don't want any trouble.

Friendship forever, that's what people always say, but not this girl.
Only a handful have received her magical promise, and these special people know their own names. 

Sometimes I think of the sun and the moon as lovers who rarely meet, always chase, and always miss one another.
But once in a while, they do catch up, and they kiss, and the world stares in awe of their eclipse.
-Taken from Fb

I will always remember what a DJ said one night (I think it was new year's eve), sharing about a photography gallery he went to visit, and a photograph that changed his mind about the romantics of fireworks.

"The photograph showed little children, their hands and legs, their faces and their clothes dusty and dirty. These children worked for a factory making fireworks, because they were the cheapest labour and what seemed best for the business. But these children had no insurance, no education, they didn't know if any accidents were to happen, the dust on them which is exactly the same ingredient they put into the fire crackers, will burn them first, they will be the first people to explode and die. Ever since I saw that photograph, I have never looked at fireworks the same way I used to. They were just not exciting and beautiful anymore, all I could see was the children used in this industry."

12 June, in conjunction with World Day against Child Labour.

我是喜欢漂亮文字的女孩，喜欢用美丽的方式写个长篇大论的文章，说着他有多重要 。
他却不是擅长文字游戏的男孩，不是很会用甜言蜜语来哄我，有时还会不小心讲错话。。。

“虽然有很多女生比你漂亮，比你了解我，比你好的，可是我都不可能会去喜欢。”
（先生请问我是该开心因为你答应要专一，还是该伤心因为我不是最漂亮的？烦恼噢噢噢，哈哈！）

可能，我读的小说太多了吧？害得他平时说的话普通得不会让我有掉进童话世界的感觉。
所以我有时难免会羡慕其他甜到报表的情侣，为什么他们那么恩爱，都不会腻的吗？

但其实我更加感恩，这个他和其他人不一样。
这样一来，他用行动告诉我更多的事。

他每天用早安晚安说他想我，通过自己生活中的小习惯告诉我他愿意怎么为我改变，发噩梦因为怕我离开。
我喜欢他说有事情和我讨论，好像要我的意见是有分量的。
我喜欢他说着今天上课学了什么，喜欢他说今天去了哪里干了什么，好像给我机会参与他的生活。
然后我很喜欢他指着黑人范范，指着我的外公外婆，告诉我想要怎么样一直努力走下去。

因为金口难开，他偶尔用美丽的文字的时候，我就会心里开了小花，一点也不需要怀疑，那是不是真心的。
因为他不是一个爱写字的人，编不出漂亮的故事，只能说真话。

They say challenges makes love stronger,
I hope it's true;
'Cause every time I fear and shiver,
I can't help but wonder, where are you?

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder,
I suppose it's true;
'Cause every time my heart wanders,
It reaches out for you.

They say all things good are worth the wait,
I know it's true;
'Cause every time I complain that you come late,
I know you don't want it this way too.

So near yet so far,
Oh, holidays!

#studentlife

我想要你激励我，鼓励我，启发我去做我没有过的事，成为更好的人。
请你牵着我，到我去到更高的地方。

我不要你填满我的空虚，我要你教我自己填满心里的缺口。
我要你陪着我，看着我填满我自己的心。

因为只有这样，在我跟你说“我爱你”的那一天，你才会知道我是全心全意说的。
我要用完整的心说爱你，不可以有寂寞的空洞。

Inspire me, please.
Don't just fill the hole in my heart, dear.
I don't want you to fill my heart with all things sweet, I want you to teach me and show me ways I can fill it on my own.
So that when I say I love you, you will know that I say it with a full heart out of truth, not out of loneliness.

It's such a big word I dare not utter it.
It's such a huge burden I dare not touch it.
It's such a magical spell, I dare not use it.

But you gave it to me, and you said it's love.

I thought I could never clear my heart of those things, people, moments and futures that didn't belong to me..
They just took up too much space.

But you told me there is space for me in yours.

没机会一起唱的那些歌，却已经深印在脑海里。

She likes December.

She has always thought of December as tough but gentle.  He is like a scheduled spring clean, always there in the ugliest times of the year, at the end of it when all energy is almost used up and everything's in a mess.  He's a quiet one, gently taking in all her complaints and miseries of unfulfilled dreams.  He's a gentle one, quietly taking in bigger dreams for a newer year.  He will help pick her up from her mistakes, patch up her confidence, polish her trophies and glories, and then pack her bags for a new beginning.  And he will pack in a bit of his own love, praying it will be of use when circumstances arise in the unknown year.  He will be by her side for thirty-one days and thirty-one nights, to the end.  He will be the one who understands her the most, because when she was most vulnerable, he was the one who was there.  He gave her time because he knew she needed it, thirty-one days to be ready again for new challenges to come.

It was time enough to fall in love, thirty-one days, but December knew when to let go, when she needed him no more.  He knew she had other choices; for instance, January has always been interesting, brave and charming, always the first to come out and fight the new year.  Maybe she'd be more happy with the others.  December hadn't much self esteem, you see, he always came last in school where they taught the calendar.

But she likes December, especially the first of December, when they always meet again, finally, after one whole year.  To her, it was like a new chance, a new reason to look forward to an uncertainty.

I want to go to the beach, waddle in the water, get wet, like those letters tucked safely in a locked drawer, tear stained.
I want to bury myself in sand, like memories buried in a faraway land.

I want to build a dozen sandcastles, a little empire to call mine.  Inside, I will have a house that smells like home.
I will build another dozen sandcastles for you, another world to be called yours; different but no more or less.
And inside, I pray you live a life long enough to love.

And that is how we will be living, in two separate cities, spread across a big blue sea.  We'll share nothing in common, probably.
But the air you breathe sustains me, and the sun that you see every morning, is the same one that reaches me.

One day, we might go travelling, who knows?  We might stumble into each other's dreams, and leave a footprint there, carelessly.
Just like my beautiful daughter did as she took her first step away from my arms into her own world.

Pretending is an interesting business, practice really makes perfect.
Everyday you pretend a little bit better until one day it becomes so natural and then you don't even have to pretend anymore.
It becomes true.

What about dreams?
Can the castle I practice painting in the sky gain weight each time I dream of it?
Will there be a day when it touches the ground and finally becomes solid and real?
Will you hold my hand and walk into my dream together then?

Felt a strong and sudden urge to read my old writings this evening.
And so, I spent the past two hours generally scanning through some of my work in the past two or three years.
Some of them were shared publicly here, some in a previous blog; some left as drafts in pendrives and emails, some scribbled in a small notebook....
I like do this once in a while, digging up old memories; how about you?

Today, these few lines written back in February 2010 caught my eye.
As of now, I haven't had the chance to meet up with this person and apologize.  I'm pretty sure he would have forgotten the lies I told him once upon a time.  And I'm pretty sure if I bump into him tomorrow during lunch or dinner, I'd smile and say 'hi', but I will definitely not bring this awkwardness up by saying 'sorry'.  I don't think it matters anymore.

Still, it never fails to amaze me how I know I will lose sleep again tonight because of some twenty simple words I wrote three years ago.  And that is why I write, to feel the adrenaline rush, the excitement of the magical connection between letters and human.  Ahh, what love.  :)

No mater how far a migratory bird may fly, it always misses the south.
The heaven of a traveller who has been to the ends of the earth, is still home.
My next stop, I can't be sure yet whether it'll be cold or warm.
When dawn breaks, I will leave again.

If I come back, will there be someone waiting?
If I am lonely, is there anyone who understands?
I imagine us meeting again, but I fear I have no courage
to wish to be in your arms.

There's an echo from the tunnel of past times,
won't you listen to that?
That is what we had back then,
a happy pinky promise.

Some people stay in our hearts, unforgotten.
Some things, some dreams, are yet to have a definite answer.
Some words, the harder it is to say,
the lovelier they will sound.
Let us come close, I wish to tell you quietly
how much I love you.

This heart of mine is still there, it never left.
I went all around the world, but what is most precious is you.
Do you still remember your favourite song?  Let me sing it for you
and tell you quietly how much I love you.

The original song in Mandarin:  悄悄告诉你 / 范玮琪  (link)
*I did not translate word for word, I just wrote what I think the song wanted to say in simple English.

His heart small, like his closed little fist, unable to hold half a world without it slipping away between his fingers.
Can a human heart possibly be filled with overflowing emptiness?

Translation:

Today's Challenge:
Write a letter to someone you love.  Could be a friend, a family member, or even your pet.
Doesn't have to be too long, just so you feel the excitement I do when my pen scratches across my pieces of paper.
They make the sweetest hum of love ever.

If you'll like, share it with me?  :)
-hugs-

Dear Reader(s),

It's been a few busy months, and my writer's mind has been a bit lazy.  Lacking inspiration, I think?  Probably partly because one of my favourite inspirations, my crush-friend, has now started to really become a friend.  He is now half a day behind me, at another end of the globe.  And I am happy with this distance, it makes us able to move forward.  I imagine our friendship to go a long way ahead.  :)

And speaking of friendships, a fond friend of mine just texted me yesterday.  He was going to have a math exam and got too bored with his revision, he started to count the number of days we knew each other.  Coincidentally, it was the 1000th day since we first talked!  Gee, how many thousand days does one have in a lifetime?  Some have more, some have less.  Up to now, I lived some six thousand over days.  But what have I done with my days, all those days that another being did not have a chance to live?

How about you?  What did you do your with your past 1000 days?  And what do you have in store for the next 1000 days?  Honestly, I don't have a direct answer at my fingertips myself, but I will try to plan something sometime soon.  Will you do that too, and then share it with me?  Please?

Hmm.  I survived two and a half semesters in my pre-u, with just another two months to go before the finals, and then my first year in degree.  Am very much enjoying all the classes I have, I really have chosen a field I enjoy:  TESL.  Though this semester, somewhere in the middle of class, we were exposed to what might be in store for us as future teachers.  Our pay will not be very high, and the inflation rates, especially those in my country, will be very high.  I fear for not having enough money, and I fear that will make me hate my job.  If that happens, will you be reading my blog and help me bring more readers so I can earn from ads?  I hope I don't have to do that, I like my blog the way it is now, clean and ad-free.  Anyways, for now, I still love what I'm doing, and I do not plan on quitting.

These few busy months have made me want to write more.  Could this be because stress and work always makes me feel rebellious, so I'd like to spend time doing something 'not so important', which is to write?  I chuckle when I know it is true and untrue at the same time.  Writing is so important to me.

Just the other day, a friend of mine shared this (link) on my Facebook.  He saw a picture post about storytelling tips, and he thought of me.  How blessed it is to be the first person to pop into his mind when he came across those storytelling tips?  It makes me feel so much like an amazing storyteller, even though I'm not one yet.  It's such an encouragement to me, especially since I haven't had the time or energy to write for quite a while now.

And looking back at my last post, one of my favourite bloggers commented to saying "... looking forward to reading you more."  And that comment made my day, Raajii.  Here's a hug for you if you're reading this.    Thank you.  :)

Okay, now I better get back to my schoolwork.  Will make it an effort to update more often, (even if it might mean shorter posts).

Alive and Kicking,
Nic.

They like to say falling in love is like finding the other piece of puzzle that fits yourself perfectly. But who ever said that we were born like puzzle pieces, with the missing edge and the protruding edge? I know I am a circle, and you are too, round and complete. But for each other, we give and we take, we take and we give more. Then finally, the world sees us as matching pieces of puzzle because they don’t realize we’re just two rounds who didn’t care about looking awkward, and still decided to hold each other in our hands. So we bow our heads and laugh together, and yet they make a picture out of our laughter.

I just had to make a picture post to share with you what we did last night for our King Lear Dramatisation.  :D
King Lear is a drama written by Shakespeare during the Elizabethan Era when Queen Elizabeth I reigned. You can click here to read a synopsis of the drama. We're doing this dramatization for our English Studies class as part of our assignment.  We did not do the whole drama, but chose some scenes to put together as our own adaptation.

Personally, I enjoyed the preparation and performance very much and our lecturers enjoyed our show too.  Can't put in words my joy and satisfaction of putting up a drama together as a team like this, it's my first time being so involved in a drama.  Hmm, am not going to post all the pics here, just a few sneak pics for you.

Preperation:  This was the first time we tried putting up our backdrop, it's really huge!  The dead tree next to it is twice my height! We were trying to create a scene in the storm out in a heath. This effect worked really well with the lighting on the actual day.

Preperation:  The French Camp scene backdrop. There was also a map we drew, but I didn't take a good enough picture for it.  ><

Just before showtime: This is Princess Cordelia from Team B.  Lovely dress, no?

Cordelia with her father, King Lear. The old king gone mad after banishing his favourite daughter and being banished by his own two daughters who took his kingdom. Our Cordelia really cried in the last scene of our dramatisation where she was reunited with her father.  :') Our director, Cordelia and Kent.

The servant from Team A, my favourite picture of the day.

Myself, servant from Team B, trying to dress like a  British man back then.

The Fool from Team B.  The Fool's job is to entertain, comfort and advise the King. The Fool is the greatest irony of the drama King Lear because he is actually very wise and not foolish at all in the play. I'm very happy with this picture, I think this is the happiest picture I ever get of her, she seldom smiles so widely like this.  :)

Poor Tom O'Bedlams from Teams A and B. Poor Tom is the son of an Earl, a high class gentleman who disguised himself as a beggar when his father sought his death. Who's more beggar-ish?  :P

Team A after the performance

Our team, Team B after the performance

Hafiz, whose given name was Shams-ud-din Muhammad, was one of the greatest of Persia's mystical and lyrical Sufi poets. He was born in Shiraz in south-east Persia (modern Iran) c. 1320 and died c. 1389. He is affectionately known as "The Tongue of the Invisible".

Updates on my first 25% of 2013 as promised.  :)  Have been busy with this and that, but I haven't forgotten about my other world here.

Am now in the second semester of my pre-university programme, it's busier than I imagined.  Honestly speaking, I always thought the teaching profession isn't really a profession that focuses on academic performance, I always thought that experience was the key and that the years in uni were just to widen our knowledge, not really to test our knowledge.

The semester started off well in January, We did a play, Florence; and after that we did a drama.  I was excited to do the drama King Lear by Shakespeare.  It was tough to understand the language, 'cause we weren't exposed to old English before.  But it started to get fun when we slowly got the idea how how the language worked itself out.  I really like studying literature, is that odd?

Going into February, I flew two flights back home for Chinese New Year.  Ahh, Chinese New Year, got to meet my old friends and my favourite teacher!  :D  For the first time in many many many years, I got myself two dresses to wear for new year.  I am not used to wearing dresses, and people are all the more not used to seeing me in dresses.  Anyways, it was okay in the end.  Learnt that when I slowly felt comfortable with myself in dresses, and when that happens, people feel comfortable with seeing me in them too.  :)

March was the busiest month of all.  We had sports day. And it was assignment month.  My worst habit of procrastinating caused me headaches when I had some eight assignments to do at one go.  (I have ten subjects this semester, and none of them are extras/electives.  I blame our education system, we don't get to choose what subjects we want to take here because we're under government sponsorship.)    We also had a mock exam.  Thank God all that is almost over for now.  -lets out deep breath-

I went to two book fairs in March, both with huge sales up to 90% discount!  Got more than a few books to savour. ♥  I finished two already, they are the first two books I read this year.  (hides face in shame, only 2 books in 3 months!)

I recommend "Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend" by Matthew Green.
It's written from the perspective of an imaginary friend, Budo.  His human friend, Max is autistic and they have been together for five years.  The book is in very simple English, like a child's because Max did not imagine Budo as a grown up.  I like reading stories about imaginary friends, they're pretty cool.  Do you have have anything to recommend for me?

Now reading:  The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult.
I just started the book, the first few chapters were good for me.  :)
But again, Jodi Picoult is almost always good for me, I dream to write like her someday.

Now, how about you?  How was your year so far?
Keep me updated too!  I want to hear your stories, or read them, leave me a hug!

Thank you for reading till the end, might be a lil' bit boring though I tried to avoid that.
To make it up, I shall post a short children's story next, perhaps?  ♥

Actually, I am just a greedy child who is very easily satisfied.
I only yearn to be known and understood, missed and needed, hugged and then reminded how much you love me.

Malaysian news: A six year old, William was kidnapped eight days ago.  
Last night, a corpse was discovered at a river, and today it was identified that it was indeed little William who died. 

Little William and his two siblings were left on the car while their parents went to buy a washing machine. His younger sister soon started crying for mommy, so William went down the car to look for their mother to calm his sister down. He was kidnapped there and then. For eight days, people in my country have been frantically sharing William's photo on Facebook, hoping someone would have seen him somewhere. Police have carried out a nationwide search, everyone was praying for the boy to be found and returned to his family safely. But no, he died, killed and dumped into a river. An innocent young soul, he left at such a tender age.

As a teacher trainee, I couldn't help but wonder what has gone wrong with our education system?  Was it family background, peer influence, media influence, or the failure of education that lead to such a murder?  What can I do as a mere person to help to change this?  What can I do to prevent such a case among my future students?  Or is it just beyond my control after all? -insert confusion and fear-

But people, I didn't just want to share a sad story with you today. (Though yes, indeed, it was a sad story.)

Today is a reminder for me that, 世界越黑暗，我们越要努力发光。
The more evil there is in the world, the more good we shall do.
To outshine evil with good, to use generosity to repay brutality, this is the challenge for you, and for me.
I say all this, feeling good again about the things happening in the world.
But if I were to be in William's parents' shoes, how is it even possible to not hold a grudge?

Have you ever thought of how shooting stars came to become? Here's a possible explanation:

Twinkle twinkle little star fell in love with John.  Knowing that it's impossible to be with him, Twinkie let her love burn, becoming a shooting star that scratched over the night sky.  Falling rapidly, Twinkie excitedly thought of how close she and John are going to become, finally on the ground together, no longer separated by a sea of darkness.  Twinkie didn't remember that to be on the ground, she had to first die as a star.  The people on earth who saw this true love could only wish upon a shooting star.  They say love is most beautiful just right before it dies off....