l i velife.l o v elife

珍惜眼前人

2012-01-24T18:00:00.002+08:00

我担心世界太大一不小心松开了手就找不回掌心里熟悉的温柔

This world is so big, I dare not let go of your hand.
What will I do, if I lost your assuring warmth?

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Lost Passion

2012-01-01T22:51:00.005+08:00

There used to be that one passion I was so sure about,

that one thing I was so sure I would love forever,

that one habit I was so sure I can't live a day without.

I think I left it somewhere in 2011. I think I lost it.

.leave.a.hug.

感恩昨天。期待明天。

2011-12-15T21:51:00.010+08:00

感恩昨天的错过，期待明天以后的永恒。

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Seventeen.

2011-12-05T19:27:00.004+08:00

Today, I thank you Lord, for all seventeen beautifully wonderful years.

Bless me with many more years, Lord, I look forward to them. Please.

And, thank you for loving me, I love you too.

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I really want to, and so I really will

2011-12-02T23:52:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, a lot of times,
There are some things we work so hard at, some feelings we try so hard to convey, some messages we try so hard to share with the world....
And yet, sometimes, these efforts often go down the drain.
No one notices, no one knows, and no one cares.

These times, at first, I let myself become really down.
And I become really depressed.
And then, I pick myself up.

I remind myself to not lose that unexplainable urge that first got me started, got me going, got me here.
And then I remind myself to get on, get going.
I remind myself that if I really really really wanted to, one day, I will.

Quiting might seem like the easier route to take, but don't forget, there's gonna be guilt and regret further down along that route.
And it most probably won't gain you anything, it definitely won't make you a winner.

I think, the wiser thing to do, would be to pack some courage, faith, trust, and just get going.
Don't lose sight of your dream.

"I really want to, and so I really will."

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开心果

2011-11-21T15:42:00.010+08:00

开心有时是因为玩抓迷藏的时候意外找到了久违的开心果。

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跟呼吸并列的感恩感动

2011-11-08T12:06:00.002+08:00

生命里面，感恩感动是要跟呼吸并列的。

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渺小的美

2011-11-05T07:27:00.004+08:00

世界的美往往渺小而轻盈一不小心就消失在微风里

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给海洋对岸的歌

2011-11-03T15:11:00.010+08:00

把该感恩的事请列成清单写成歌从这里大声唱到海洋对岸

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It's November.

2011-11-01T20:05:00.002+08:00

Dear October,

I miss you already, come back to me.
Can't we start over? :(

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最古老的桥

2011-10-28T13:55:00.026+08:00

眼睛是最古老的桥

把眼神从世界的这端

连接到对岸你的心房

载着情感

载着梦想

越过海洋

你看它有多么坚强

背负着世界的泪与重量

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你听见了吗？

2011-10-14T03:08:00.001+08:00

雨是天空对你表白

风告诉你要爱得自在

你听见了吗？

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You have no idea

2011-10-07T12:44:00.001+08:00

You have no idea how much you mean to me.

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別怕

2011-10-03T10:45:00.005+08:00

是你提醒我

別怕去幻想

想我內心躲避慣的渴望

.leave.a.hug

Hold On

2011-10-02T12:35:00.002+08:00

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

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Jealousy

2011-09-28T14:58:00.002+08:00

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One of a Kind

2011-09-14T15:23:00.001+08:00

On this day, God wants you to know that you need to stop comparing yourself to other people.

Some people are great singers, some are really smart and others are great athletes.

But none of them are, or ever could be you.

You are one of a kind.

So stop comparing yourself to other people.

You can't be them any more than they can be you.

This is a message just when I needed it.
I thank my lucky stars, and Him. :)

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Lights of the World

2011-09-13T15:00:00.004+08:00

Look at all the pretty lights of the world
And be amazed

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The Opposite of Logic

2011-08-24T14:54:00.019+08:00

Kays, so I know I haven't been posting in English for more than a month...

And my posts are sorta getting less and less...

Is that why almost no one comments anymore?

People, here's a message from a Facebook app. I think I need to share. :)

"On this day of your life, God wants you to know that love is the opposite of logic.

Logic is argumentative, aggressive upon the mind,

It splits the world into right and wrong, us and them.

Love is generative, compassionate, embracing all creation.

Logic pays attention to what is being said.

Love pays attention to how things are said.

Logic leads to debate.

Love leads to communion.

Practice love to be closer to God."

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脑子里首先浮现的那个人

2011-08-23T15:09:00.013+08:00

分享一篇橘子写的东西,

是很久以前看过她的某本书, 从里面抄出来的..

..........................................

男女之间有没有纯友谊?

其实这句话就跟一见钟情一样，是成立再相信它的人的世界里的.

很多人相信一见钟情，有更多人并不是因为它而开始交往的,

不过这句话确实纯在, 没错.

然而，我觉得好玩的是,

当你想要肯定或否定这句话的时候,
脑子里首先浮现的那个人.

嗯..

..........................................

看到这篇东西，你脑海里面浮现了谁？

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上帝爱我

2011-08-18T16:05:00.001+08:00

上帝爱我。

我身边每一个

疼爱我，伤害我，

鼓励我，打击我，

相信我，欺骗我，

陪伴我，离开我的人

都是神爱我的方式。

我感恩。

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Think with your Heart

2011-07-15T20:22:00.009+08:00

On this day, God wants you to know
that most important decisions are not to be made with the mind;
they are to be made with the heart.

So when you have an important decision to make,
check in with how you feel, not how you think.

Think with your heart, peeps.
Listen carefully to the song it sings. :)

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Be Happy

2011-07-09T16:48:00.004+08:00

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A Big Matter

2011-06-30T18:12:00.019+08:00

mat·ter noun

Something that has weight and occupies space; may exist as a solid, liquid, gas, or plasma.

A dream is a matter. Did you know that?

You may think it's shapeless, but actually, it has so much weight that sometimes, your heart could find it a little too heavy.

Times like these, you will wish to just let it go.

But no, a dream occupies space.

If you let it go, it leaves an terrible emptiness in you that may never be filled again.

The best you can do is to hold on to it, until it slowly takes shape, until one day, it transforms and becomes solid.

And I don't care what they say, a dream is a matter, a big matter.
Whatever you do, just never let it go. :)

Dreams have this special power, they make you fly.

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我不怕

2011-06-21T16:25:00.004+08:00

其实我不怕你走掉

如果已拥有这么多美好

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Needing magic

2011-06-19T11:10:00.004+08:00

When in great pain, who do you think of?

Is there a person you know who'll do magic and the pain will just disappear?

Or probably he won't have to do anything at all, just being there will be enough?

Because everything is better with someone who cares right beside you?

Right now, I need your magic so badly.

.leave.a.hug.

音乐是会变魔术的

2011-06-18T20:38:00.009+08:00

可能我的瘋狂暫時不得到原諒

你注意过吗？有些歌的词曲会说话，演唱者的眼神表情会说话，然后我们听着歌，心里会有个小小的声音对着我们说话。

这是厉害的歌能够做到的。厉害的歌就像魔术师，它是会变魔术的。

最近被这首歌感动了：十年一刻。 (link)

是蘇打綠的歌，是很棒的歌。

心情好，听歌。

心情不好，听歌。

害怕着什么的时候，听歌。

期待着什么的时候，听歌。

睡不着，听歌。

睡醒了，听歌。

无聊没事做，听歌。

很忙很忙，也别忘记听歌。

听歌，然后听心里那个声音唱的那首歌。要注意听，用心去听。

然后感动，然后想冲，然后有梦，然后就要勇敢追梦。

因为是你的梦，你不追它，它永远就只是梦。

生命舞台發光的人絕不是只會說

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I love dew.

2011-06-08T15:59:00.010+08:00

Read that out loud. A few times if you really have to.

If you get that, say it back to me, maybe?

.leave.a.hug.

Wallpaper

2011-06-01T19:13:00.004+08:00

If I knew how to paint,

Your pictures will be on my bedroom walls,

Just like wallpaper.

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No matter what

2011-05-29T19:28:00.010+08:00

"Go ahead, just do what feels right, I trust you. And don't you ever worry you'll get lost along the way, don't ever lose your courage.

Dare to dream and then dare to go after your dream, 'cause no one else can make your dream come true. Only you can.

But I'm gonna back you up if you stumble and fall."

"No matter what, I'll always support you."

Have you heard something like this? Or anything along that line?

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

You're lucky if someone ever told you that.

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2.30am

2011-05-23T02:33:00.004+08:00

I woke up at 1am today. Insomnia, perhaps?

Nah, it's just a running nose keeping me awake. :)

And so, I woke up and replied fb mail, listening to soft music.

It's 100% quiet here this time in the morning.

Even the dogs weren't having their usual 'choir practice'..

Sitting in front of the laptop, nice music playing,

And I'm typing away, replying mail, sending love.

And then this blogpost.

2.30am now, and I'm finding this pretty romantic. :)

.leave.a.hug.

A roller coaster ride please?

2011-05-19T15:35:00.004+08:00

Right now, I'm thinking I need a roller coaster ride.

Who said roller coasters are dangerous?
They're pretty safe places to scream your heart out without getting the you-are-insane-dont-come-near-me look.

Look at this one, are you afraid?

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Two in the morning

2011-05-14T19:23:00.004+08:00

I woke up at two in the morning today and ate cake.

How nice was that?

What were you doing 2am today?

Were you sleeping?

Or did you wish you were sleeping?

.leave.a.hug

Favourites

2011-05-07T08:13:00.005+08:00

Just look at these colours,

There's always gonna be one or two that will somehow magically stand out among the rest,

And some will forever stay in the box.

So why do they tell us we should never have favourites..?

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Shutting Down

2011-05-04T15:29:00.004+08:00

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Wondering if you knew

2011-05-01T11:24:00.003+08:00

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It doesn't just end.

2011-04-16T15:40:00.007+08:00

I barely remember I sent this to a friend who was having some problems with her best friend two years ago..

"But the thing is, friendship doesn't just end.

Like in science, we're told that energy doesn't just disappear, the same with friendship.

It's just hidden somewhere, waiting to come out again.."

And I'm so glad that this is still true. :)

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Says Pooh to Piglet

2011-04-13T19:31:00.005+08:00

"Some people care too much

I think it's called love."

Winnie the Pooh

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Never Grow Up

2011-04-08T20:23:00.020+08:00

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps

Remember the words said

And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have

Is someday gonna be gone

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift.

I love this song, nice music, great lyrics.. So honest and beautiful altogether.

Found a version with on-screen lyrics, so why don't you click in and listen to it? (link)

And leave me a hug! :)

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Not Just Any Joke

2011-04-01T16:34:00.006+08:00

Heyy, I think I like you.

And I've been thinking that for quite a long long time.

And though this isn't just any April Fool's joke,

I'll probably never have the guts to tell you.

.leave.a.hug.

有没有这么一个人？

2011-03-29T16:01:00.011+08:00

有没有这么一个人

他总是在你心情低落的时候扶你一把，然后你就飞上天了

遇到开心的事情，第一个想要一起分享的就是他

他的每一句话，每一个笑，都对你影响很深很深

你渴望他看着你，专心听你说话的眼神

他不在时，你会想他

他出现时，你却不敢靠近他，因为你根本不是他的谁

他让你脸红心跳

他让你失眠

他让你莫名其妙地吃醋

他让你开心又让你不开心

他让你期待又让你害怕?

他让你不太认识自己了

因为，心变得不听话了

有没有这么一个人，

只要闭上眼睛，看到的全都是他?

有没有这么一个人?

你爱上他了吗?

他知道吗?

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Make a Wish

2011-03-17T10:47:00.006+08:00

Won't you just close your eyes

And make a wish?

"I wish to go to Disney World.

Bring me there."

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These Days

2011-03-09T15:22:00.006+08:00

These days

My mind won't listen to me

It wanders to far away places when I need to focus

It sleeps when I want it to work

I'm tired

These days

I'm addicted to Mine (link)

I don't know why I just can't get tired of that song

And I can't get the lyrics out of my head

These days

I can't even write a decent post here

I used to wish I can write and write and write

Until the day

Pens go extinct

But now I feel so lost

And these days

I missed you

p.s. I changed the banner and icons, what do you think? :)

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Away in the Clouds

2011-03-01T15:13:00.005+08:00

Give me some time, I'll be back soon.

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你懂吗?

2011-02-28T16:16:00.002+08:00

你很重要。

懂吗？

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我也害怕

2011-02-23T15:42:00.005+08:00

心中是清楚的

有一天, 有一天都会停的

让时间说真话

虽然我也害怕

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Trying to be a Better Person

2011-02-22T14:44:00.004+08:00

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving me a friend who cares.

I am blessed to have her point out my weaknesses, my imperfection.

I must confess I wasn't really glad to hear comments about my not-so-good side at first.

But thank you Lord, for giving me a friend who bothers to tell me the truth.

I will try to change, but I am not sure if I can do it alone.

Be with me, guide me, Lord.

Surround me with friends like her so I can change, so I can change for the better.

I am trying to be a better person.

Give me faith,

And thank you for loving me.

I love you too,

Amen. :)

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如果有一天

2011-02-20T19:04:00.001+08:00

我常在想，如果有一天我忍不住告诉你了，我们会怎么样？

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Heyy.. All of you.. :]

2011-02-17T15:57:00.008+08:00

Heyy.. All of you.. :]

It's middle of February already, the new year isn't really that new anymore, is it?

How have you been these two months? Have you been dropping by?

I'm sorry, have been thinking a little too much but writing too little lately..

School is okay, I have decided to give up Accounts to concentrate on Chinese and have proper lessons for it.

I hope this is a right decision.

Umm.. Am sitting beside a new friend in school this year.

I have no idea why, my friends and her don't really get along well.

I feel kinda stuck in between and it isn't a nice feeling.

Sometimes she makes me feel so small and hurt sometimes, I don't like it, but I don't know why I allow that to happen.

So I build a wall, and so I don't really feel a bond between us.

Is this right?

Ahh, and mom's always asking me about this great big future again...

What do you want to do after SPM? You think you can handle Engineering like Sharon?

Do you like Architecture? Do you like Dentistry?

You mentioned you want to teach, are you serious about it? Journalism is kinda risky, you sure you going for it?

Do you want to go on to From6? Perhaps do A-levels like your cousins?

Do you like this? Would you want to study that?

I have no answers for these questions, it's driving me crazy sometimes.

Everyday, every conversation I have with my mom somehow revolves around this.

Dad's acting calm, but I think he worries too.

I'm confused and lost.

I need to have an idea really soon, but how do I do that?

What do you think?

Some people say they see me in my writing, they say I reveal my personality when I write...

Those of you who have been reading my blog for quite some time, have you seen me in between the lines? What kind of person am I?

Maybe you have some suggestions on what I should do with myself after SPM? (For non-Malaysians, SPM is kinda like O-levels.)

Difficult People

2011-01-29T11:16:00.005+08:00

On this day, God wants you to know that difficult people are very important, they teach you tolerance and acceptance.

If all was going your way all the time, you would become a spoiled child, wouldn't everyone?

Difficult people are just one of the ways God teaches us to expand beyond our egos and accept other perspectives on life.

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Reach For Your Dreams

2011-01-08T17:52:00.001+08:00

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2010 最后一封情书

2010-12-31T23:22:00.007+08:00

给亲爱的自己，

很快就要新的一年了，我知道你最近有点心情复杂。

有点紧张明年的考试，又有点后悔没有好好在今年打好基础。

有点期待，又有点舍不得。

有点不想长大，又会害怕自己长不大；可是心里面有个声音说慢慢来就好，到底要不要听呢？

今年的事就让它乖乖的呆在今年就好。

那些开心的，不开心的；做得好的，做得不够好的。。

不要把它带到明年，那是新的一年。

剩下最后十分钟就2011年了，你要继续加油，懂吗？

好了，快去睡了。

This is the first time I've posted some sort of a letter to myself in Chinese, it's not a very long one. I have no idea why there is this sudden urge to type in Chinese today. :]

I tried to translate it for non-Chinese readers, since this will be the last post in here this year.. But in the end, I gave up. I just doesn't sound the same in English.

I'm not feeling very sorry for this though.. It's what makes every language so unique and beautiful, I'm pretty sure you'll understand. :]

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New Year's Eve

2010-12-31T19:10:00.004+08:00

It's New Year's Eve.

I've been wishing everyone Happy New Year all over facebook,

But why do I suddenly feel so empty..?

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End of a Year Again?

2010-12-27T15:37:00.001+08:00

Hey peeps, time's going by so fast, it's almost the end of a year again.

So, how was your 2010?

Are you ready for 2011?

My 2010 was fairly good, nothing grand but still good.

It could be better, but sometimes, good is just enough. -smiles-

And umm.. No, I am not prepared for 2011. To be honest, I'm terrified of it coming, it's all too soon.

But oh well, what's to come will come. :]

Thinking back on all that's been going on this year, is there a 'Thank you' that you forgot to say to someone who helped you some way or the other?

Is there a 'Sorry' you don't feel like saying yet, and the other person doesn't seem to mind that much, are you planning to just let it go?

Is there an 'I forgive you' that you didn't want to blurt out even though you know you should?

Is there a 'Help me, please' that could have brought you help you need so bad, just too bad you can't let go of your ego?

Is there an 'I'm busy, I can't do it' you're hiding inside, all 'cause you never learnt to say no to people?

Is there a 'You hurt me, please stop that' you're not wanting to admit?

Is there an 'I don't think I feel the same way about you' you can't bring yourself to say, 'cause you're afraid of hurting his/her feelings?

Is there an 'I love you so much' stuck in your throat, are you brave enough to let it out?

Yes, I am guilty for many of the above. No, I'm not proud to admit this. :/
Anyways, here'a a challenge for all of us, us who are guilty of the above. :]

There are five more days left before 2010 comes to an end. You might want to try saying some of those things you think are so hard to say before we say good bye to 2010 for good. Just to get them off your chest and have a fresh start next year.

I can't promise I can manage to do this right, but I'm willing to try. How 'bout you? :]

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Christmas :]

2010-12-25T23:02:00.008+08:00

.We Are The Reason.

As little children we'd dream of Christmas morn

And all the gifts and toys we knew we’d find

But we never realized a baby born one blessed night

Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

Dear God,

I thank you for the past whole year. I thank you for all the new friends you've put in my life, they've taught me so much. I thank you for Ah-Ma and Ah-Kong, they're the best-est grandparents I can ever have. I thank you for all the good things, and I thank you for all the not so good things, I know they're all part of your plan.

Father, I pray that you continue to bless all those around me in the coming new year. I pray you keep Ah-Ma and Ah-Kong healthy and happy. I pray you bring my dad to know you and love you in the new year, I pray you help bring him closer to you.

And I pray for me too, Lord, I pray you'll guide me and use me. I confess the zillions of things I've done that are not pleasing to you, and I pray you'll forgive me.

Thank you for loving me, I love you too, Lord.

Amen. :]

p.s. Click on the song title to hear the song, I really like the song. Merry Christmas, all, God bless.

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最后一天

2010-12-08T21:39:00.005+08:00

是谁说好要爱到最后一天?

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Birthday Wishes

2010-12-05T22:31:00.007+08:00

Dearest Me,

Happy birthday, dearie, you're sixteen today. You can't tell people you're fifteen and three quarters anymore huh? Well, sixteen might not be a big number to you, we all know plenty humans live to sixty... But dearie, it's still a bigger number than fifteen.

I want you to be more responsible, I suppose that's not asking for too much? Be responsible for yourself, for me. You're the one in charge in your life, so you better not screw it, you can't restart if you make a wrong move. You have a big exam coming up next year, and then you have a big decision to make. You aren't gonna be lazy, are you? Kays, I won't nag, I'll leave that to your mom. ;p

I want you to say thank you more often. Everyday, there has to be something somewhere you've gotta be thankful for. Be it a random person who did something to make your day, or a random quote that made you think, or anything else. Smiles and love and thank you-s, they make the world go round. You can help too by spreading joy and love.

I want you to put in effort to take care of yourself. Eat the right food, sleep at the right time, drink plenty. Basically, I want you to take care. :)

I want you to be happy, to love, to be loved. I want you to share, to give, to receive. I want you to learn something new everyday, and I don't want you to forget anything learnt from yesterday. I want you to grow as you learn, to shine. I want you to try your best, make me proud. I want you to be well. Most of all, I want you to be you, okay?

Best wishes, I love you. A lot.

Hugs and Kisses,
Nic.

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Powerful Beyond Measure.

2010-12-03T20:09:00.008+08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Quote by Marianne Williamson

You are powerful beyond measure, but only if you believe. And only if you want to be. :)

P.S. I was wondering if anyone here has any idea how I can add links to enable people to view older posts? Or view all posts in just one window? This template doesn't come with this feature. I changed the settings to show 99 posts (I don't have that many yet) but it doesn't work... I'm useless with codes and all other computer stuff, so maybe you could help?

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Changes Unnoticed

2010-12-01T08:48:00.005+08:00

It’s amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant.

Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever.

It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they dont know it, it still happens.

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爱上谎言

2010-11-29T21:33:00.004+08:00

会不会所有说故事的人, 其实骨子里都是很厉害的骗子?

不然哪来的那么多好故事, 那么多美丽的谎言?

他们把谎言变成美丽的故事，然后我们就这样爱上它。

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Be Brave, Paint Your Dreams

2010-11-26T16:41:00.001+08:00

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The Greatest Gift

2010-11-23T19:56:00.003+08:00

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Shine, Dear.

2010-11-22T15:40:00.003+08:00

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Letting Go

2010-11-18T09:20:00.002+08:00

Because even if you decide to let go, a part of you still won't.

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God Loves You- 2

2010-11-11T20:01:00.007+08:00

I don't understand why simple Facebook messages just touch me everyday.
Had to share this one.

On this day, God wants you to know that God is crazy about you. God sends you fresh flowers every spring, a breathtaking sunrise every morning. If God had a wallet, your picture would be in it. If God has a refrigerator, your childhood scribbles would be on it.

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Donut Hearts

2010-11-07T16:32:00.008+08:00

Donut Hearts

Kyle's mum opened the door and I walked inside. "Good morning, Kyle. I'm your new doctor, you can call me Jake. So, it says here you have trouble catching your breath lately. I need you to tell me when did this happe..." I glanced up from the files I've been reading, and looked at her for the first time.

And then, I froze.

I was three when my mother gave me my first Valentine's gift. Her name was Valentina and she was my sister.

I remember the first time I met her, she was wrapped so tightly in a blue blanket, I didn't realize immediately she had hands and feet. She had crumpled pink skin and couldn't even open her eyes. I remember thinking she was just a bundle of blankets with an ugly face. I didn't dare touch her when the nurse took her from the plastic shoe box and put her in Papa's arms. But when she turned and smiled to me, it was like love at first sight, and I knew she would be the most wonderful gift I'd ever receive.

"Jake, why is my hair so yellow? I wanna have brown hair like yours!" Every time she told me this, I'd smile and stroke her hair.

"You're special, Tina, you have golden hair." I would see her eyes go wide in surprise, and her lips would turn up. "The sun kissed your hair, that's why it's golden." She would laugh and I would give her a friendly punch.

Tina never doubted anything I said, she always believed my every word. She believed when I told her the sun kissed her, and she believed when I told her she'd be okay.

My sister was born with a hole in her heart. The worse thing was, I only realized that when she was already four.

She fainted at my seventh birthday party. I was furious at her, she ruined the party.

Mama was crying like it was the end of the world when the doctor told her about Tina's heart problem. I didn't understand what he said, but it had to be very sad news. I knew because I heard Papa's voice tremble as he told Mama everything would be fine. That night, Papa held me close and rocked me to sleep. And so, my first sleepover party was at a hospital with my whole family.

After she fainted, her body started to grow weaker. Tina needed to visit the doctor every Friday after school, and more often than not, there would be injections. I remember the first time I followed her to the hospital, she held on my hand for dear life and squeezed her eyes shut so tightly as I watched the needle pierce through her skin. She was crying when it was over, and it hurt to see her like that. It was then I promised myself I'd do anything to keep her happy.

So I sang to her when she wouldn't take her medication. And I let her choose a favourite movie to watch every weekend after the visit to the doctor's. I made her a scoreboard and gave her ten points each time she managed to go through her injections without crying. When she reached two hundred points, I used up all my pocket money to buy her a colouring book and a new box of crayons. She was overjoyed and drew a picture of me. I told her I didn't like it because it looked nothing like me, but I still keep it, even until now.

Sometimes, Tina had to stay in the hospital. She was afraid of the dark, I knew she would have nightmares if she had to sleep alone without lights for so many nights. When the nurse wouldn't listen to me and keep the lights on for my sister, I stole some of Papa's money to get her a small night lamp, which she was only allowed to use if Papa wasn't around. He never found out about the money, but I saved a dollar every week and secretly put it in his wallet to pay him back.

Tina got worse everyday. The medication wasn't helping much. The doctor said she needed a heart transplant as soon as possible. I was ten by then, I knew a lot about hearts, and I knew most of the medical terms they use in the hospital. I wasn't about to let my parents hide anything from me anymore.

It was terrible, thinking that I got jealous every time Tina got sick because she had special attention I never had, even if I was also sick. It was terrible thinking that I fought her so many times, and she'd end up wheezing. It was terrible thinking I could have killed her when I challenged her to race me around the field, I was on a bike, she was on her feet. And it was more terrible knowing she could leave me anytime if there wasn't a donor for her, and I couldn't do anything at all.

I knew it was really mean of me, but everyday, I read the newspapers to see if any seven-year-old kid got into an accident and went brain dead. And I prayed everyday that God would let Tina stay a little longer. Just so that I could love her a little more.

She did, she fought for another sixteen months when the doctors said she had only six more to live. I was so proud of her for that, she was so strong.

That afternoon, when Tina asked me to take her to the garden, I noticed how small she was for her age as I carried her and her blanket and we sat on the grass. She wrapped her blanket around us, and then she told me, "Jake, I had a dream last night..."

"In my dream, you were a magician. You took a donut from the kitchen, and said a few magic words. Then the hole in the donut just disappeared! Do you think you can do that to my heart, Jake?"

There were tears in my eyes, I hugged her close. "You'll be okay, Tina. I love you."

I ran my fingers through her hair for one last time and she fell asleep on my shoulder. I was only eleven when I lost her.

"Doctor? Are you okay?" I heard Kyle's mum ask. I managed a smile and apologized to her and Kyle.

"You remind me a lot of my sister, Kyle, she had a donut heart like you do. Can you promise me you'll be strong like her?" I asked the little girl. She nodded and smiled, brushing her golden hair away from her eyes. She's beautiful.

I couldn't do much for Tina back then, but now, I know I can save this little girl. And I'll do magic and make my sister proud of me.

P.S. I know this is awfully long. Thank you very much if you've been patient and read it to the end. :)

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God Loves You

2010-11-04T15:20:00.011+08:00

This message on Facebook touched me today.
I just had to share. :)

"On this day, God wants you to know that when you feel down, look at yourself through God's eyes.

There are times when no matter how hard you try, you just cannot accept yourself as you are.
During such times, think of how you look to God's eyes.
In God's eyes, there is no judgment, there is only acceptance.
God sees your light when all that you can see are your shadows.

God loves you more than anyone could ever love you as you really are."

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迟来的领悟

2010-11-02T19:48:00.005+08:00

人真是这么一种矛盾的动物，
总是在拥有了什么之后，都不懂得珍惜，不懂得感恩；
总是要在失去了，才明白它是多么的重要，才领悟它是多么的不可或缺。

只是，有时候，这个领悟，
来得有些太迟了。

因为，有些事情，
一旦失去了，就可能再也找不回了。

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你是这么一个人

2010-11-01T16:05:00.003+08:00

有这么一个人

让我在听到他的名字时
嘴角会不自觉地上杨

过后
我会沉默

因为我知道
我可能再也没有勇气对着他笑

有些人说不上是哪里好
可是
就是什么人都代替不了

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Right Now

2010-10-28T14:34:00.004+08:00

Right now at this very minute, a lot is happening.

Someone is thinking of you. Someone cares about you.
Someone misses you. Someone wants to talk to you.
Someone wants to be with you. Someone hopes you aren’t in trouble.
Someone wants to hold your hand. Someone wants you to be happy just for you.
Someone thinks you ARE a gift. Someone wants to hug you.
Someone loves you. Someone admires your strength.
Someone is thinking of you and smiling. Someone wants to be on your shoulder to cry on.
Someone thinks the world of you. Someone wants to protect you.
Someone would do anything for you. Someone wants to be forgiven.
Someone is grateful for your forgiveness. Someone wants to laugh with you about old times.
Someone remembers you and wishes you were there. Someone needs to know that your love is unconditional.
Someone wants to tell you how much they care. Someone wants to share their dreams with you.
Someone wants to hold you in their arms. Someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
Someone treasures your spirit. Someone wishes she/he could STOP time because of you.
Someone loves you for who you are. Someone wants to be with you.
Someone hears a song that reminds her/him of you. Someone is glad that you’re her/his only true love.
Someone wants to be your friend. Someone stayed up all night thinking about you.
Someone is alive because of you. Someone believes that you are their soul mate.
Someone wants to be near you. Someone misses your guidance and advice.
Someone values your guidance and advice. Someone has faith in you.
Someone trusts you. Someone needs you to send them this letter.
Someone needs your support. Someone needs you to have faith in them.
Someone needs you to let them be your friend. Someone is very proud of you.

And someone will cry when they read this.

P.S. Got this from tumblr, thought it was worth sharing. :)

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Changes for the Better

2010-10-22T18:24:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, you try your hardest,
But things don't work out the way you want them to.

Some things have to change,
And maybe,
They're for the better.

It's been ages since I watched last Lilo and Stich.
Watching it again today was great.

My sis and I, we just never grow tired of Disney movies. :)

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太天真

2010-10-20T16:49:00.004+08:00

我好喜欢这首歌。
光良的太天真。

发现这首歌的存在不过两三天，却已经听了快三十次。
因为光良的歌，我从来就是没有道理的那么爱听。

很喜欢他的歌给我的淡淡的感动。
心情不好, 听了会比较舒服。
睡不着, 听了会睡得比较好。

考试前, K书时听, 也很不错。 :)

今天的天空怎么会特别的蓝我怎会有点感伤
一个人悠悠荡荡没有特别方向

一幕一幕的过往还舍不得遗忘
不知觉又走到这个熟悉海岸假装你在我身旁

海浪亲吻着沙滩为我铸造浪漫
你曾说一起去流浪流浪到海角另一端

连天空都在笑着我太天真不是都说好我们不会改变

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Do It for Me.

2010-10-15T14:39:00.008+08:00

Dearest Me,

I want you to

and

I want you to continue to

I want you to continue to

and to dream big.

Dearie,

Really.

Do it for me, kays? :)

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没有理由

2010-10-13T16:41:00.004+08:00

不是每个动作
都需要理由

但若是爱就一定能够被感受

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I Like Books

2010-10-08T16:25:00.006+08:00

"I like books."
says Nic.

(more than people)

But just sometimes. :D

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Un-deleted

2010-10-05T16:29:00.005+08:00

People do this all the time on Facebook, on MSN, everywhere.

But when you delete someone from your friendlist, when you block someone, that's all you do.

You can't delete the memories, you can't delete the promises.
You can't delete the existence of friendship. You can't delete him.
And you can't block out the pain, the hurt.

P.S. This is the fourth post in a row that has no picture to go with it. I don't know bout you, but to me, it seems odd. Sorry, people... I sorta lost my whole collection of pictures. I'll have to start photo-hunting for new ones soon, I guess? :)

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Leave No Regrets

2010-10-02T19:13:00.005+08:00

Facebook's piece of advice for the day:

"When you lose someone, you get mad at yourself for not saying things you could have said a million times.
Anyone can be taken at any time in our lives, but we always wait until they’re gone."

Treasure the people you love, treasure the people who love you.
Leave no regrets.

I know it's easier said than done, I'm learning too.

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Pretend

2010-09-16T10:43:00.002+08:00

When you pretend for long enough, you'll get pretty good at it.
And before soon, it becomes a habit.

And then, you stop having to pretend altogether.

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What Went Wrong?

2010-09-13T11:17:00.007+08:00

Dear You,

I thought I understood you, I thought I knew you well enough already. I didn't think it'd be this hard.
I thought that if I wished hard enough, you'll love me. And I thought that if I loved you with my whole heart, you'd love me back too.
I thought we were meant to be together, I imagined we would live happily ever after.

I really really thought so.

When things started to go wrong, I thought we could work this out, I wanted us to work this out.
I always believed that as long as I had faith in you, in us, nothing is impossible.

Apparently, I was wrong. So very wrong.

Now, I really don't know what to do with you anymore.
I already did everything I could, to try to save our relationship, I really did. But as you can see, we're going nowhere.
It hurts me so much too, you know? We've known each other for years, I don't want us to end just like this.

But I can't hold on much longer. I'm tired.
Sometimes, I don't want to think about you anymore, thinking about you always makes me sick.
I want to scream at you, wish you away, or fold you up neatly and then lock you up in a drawer.
I think I have had enough of you.

Oh, Mathematics... Tell me, what went wrong between you and me?

I can't love you anymore,
Nic.

P.S. Again, I'm wondering if any of you think there's anything about the font that you want changed..
Is the font size too small? Is the font colour too light? Is it just right?
Feedback wanted, please? Leave something in the chatbox, or even better, leave a hug. Please and thank you! :)

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I know you don't

2010-09-11T16:41:00.004+08:00

But I know you don't.

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Let Me Help

2010-09-06T16:15:00.002+08:00

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My Love Letter- 3

2010-09-04T12:26:00.007+08:00

Dearest Me,

Okay, I think I'll forgive you for not doing well in this mid-term exam. But only on one condition: You've got to show me your true colours in October. You're not going to flunk the year-end exams again, or I promise I'll never speak to you ever again.

Now, you have a little more than a week off school, and you better make sure you make good use of your time, dearie.. Don't let me down, kays? And remember Ah-ma? She loves you so much, and she wants you to do well in your studies. Don't make her worry, make her proud. :)

Hmm, you should probably do some exercise this holiday, you're putting on weight, aren't you? I know I know, you're lazy.. But you're not gonna allow yourself go obese huh? Cut down on sugar, you're eating too much sweets, I 'm pretty sure that's where all the excess fat came from. And drink more water, really. Sleep early, and sleep well. Don't lie on the bed and read, you'll be blocking the light, and spoling your eyes. God only gave you two eyes to use for your whole entire life, you'll have to treasure them.

Nic, you're sixteen, not six. You've got to learn how to take care of yourself.

I know you have a wonderful temper, right? Just try not to lose it too often. Be patient with your sis, she's the only one you've got. Be nice, smile. And when you have nothing better to say, don't speak. You don't want to regret later 'cause you can't take your words back once they passed through your lips.

Pray for daddy, he needs to know how much Jesus loves him.

You're special, you're one in 6.8 billion. And I love you.

Hugs and kisses,

Nic.

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Fireproof

2010-08-31T17:48:00.004+08:00

"Fireproof doesn't mean that a fire will never come,
but that when it comes, you'll be able to withstand it."

-Michael Simmons, Fireproof

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The Fortress

2010-08-30T14:11:00.005+08:00

Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful.
Through your little fortress of lies, you try to run your life and manipulate others.
But the fortress needs walls, so you build some.
These are just justifications for your lies.
You know, like you're doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain, whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies.

-The Shack, W Paul Young.

That's a good book, I really liked it. :)

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All Blown Away

2010-08-25T15:18:00.002+08:00

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The Things You'll Never Find Out.

2010-08-23T13:18:00.004+08:00

The Things You'll Never Find Out

I gave you quite a lot of nicknames. Though I don't even know your full name.
I'm scared of your fb display picture. You have really cold, hard eyes. I wish you'll smile more, you look much nicer with a smile.
I hate it when people ask if we're siblings or cousins, they say we're so close. I tell them we're friends, but I know it's a lie. You're more than just a friend.
When you don't come online, I get moody. When you come online, I stare at the 'Hi' I typed and never had enough courage to press Enter. And then I get moody.
I'm seriously afraid I'll become one of those people in your life that you'll eventually forget. I don't want to be just another familiar name.
I think I still spend way to much time trying to figure out what went wrong between us. I can't get you out of my head.
I want another conversation with you. I want us to be back on talking terms, at least.
I don't want to think of why you sign out immediately each time I sent you something, so I stopped sending you anything. It's not because I don't care anymore.
I wonder if you hate me. And then I wonder if I can hate you if you do.
I miss you. A lot. Really.

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You're a Friend

2010-08-17T16:28:00.005+08:00

I want you to know this. And I want you to know it well.

I'm here.
I know I probably can't do much to help sometimes, but I'm here.
If you need somebody, just ask.

Nothing to be scared of, okay?
No need to hold everything in, no need to pretend to be strong.
We're just humans anyways.
It's okay to want to break down.

'Cause I'm here.
And if you let me, I'll hold your hand.

Who cares if you're a guy?
You're a friend. :)

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你要好好照顾自己

2010-08-13T13:11:00.002+08:00

Picture taken from http://yiliang-room.blogspot.com/.

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Flying Without Wings

2010-08-12T18:28:00.007+08:00

Everybody's looking for that something

One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

It's the things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings

'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

One of my friends shared this song on Facebook: 'Flying Without Wings'.
I liked it a lot, the lyrics more than the song though... :) So I decided to share it here.

Dearest you-s in the pictures above, look at the proof that we had fun this past two years. I don't think we grew much older, did we..? :P
Promise me we'll continue to have just the same fun, the same smiles on our faces many years down the road okay?
'Cause you make me fly without wings.

Photo credits go to Sylv and Pat. I think Calvin took the one with me and Sylv.

P.S. I love you. <3

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Don't

2010-08-05T17:37:00.003+08:00

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Big Things Go In First

2010-08-04T17:01:00.007+08:00

Her grandmother thought of a plan to stop Jenny from crying and not wanting to go home to the city on the last day of summer.

Sam gave her a huge glass jar, and she brought the little girl to the shore to 'bring the beach home' with her to the city.

Sam remembers the little girl would treasure those smooth, fist sized grey-and-black stones she found while walking barefoot in the shallow waters. And of course, there was sand and the cold, clear water she so loved. It was fascinating to see her granddaughter try to fit her whole summer into a glass jar.

It took several tries after one long morning in late August -"Grandmama Sam, is it full yet?"- but Jenny finally figured out that the only way to fit everything in the best of her haul was to put the big rocks into the jar first. After that, the pebbles and small shells would sift into the spaces between the rocks. When the jar was filled to the top, she could still get in some sand.

And then, when there didn't seem to be room for any other thing, she dunked her jar into the water and topped off her 'beach' with water. She's such a smart girl!

And Sam smiled at her granddaughter, only four years old. She knew the her little girl most probably won't understand, but she had to tell her.

She told Jenny that living life was like putting the whole beach into a glass jar. The point wasn't to fit everything in; it was to attend to the most important things first -the big beautiful rocks, the most valuable people and experiences- and fit the lesser things in around them. Otherwise, the big things might just get left out.

P.S. I got this from the last book I read. Edited it here and there, but the message remains.
People, treasure the big things you don't wanna lose, always put them first. :)

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Little but Big

2010-08-02T17:05:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, it's not the really big gestures that you're looking for;
It's the little things that, somehow, matter most.

There are times when you get sick of all the love yous and miss yous,
There are times when you grow tired of the hugs and kisses.
And during these times, all you need,
Is for someone to really look at you in the eyes
And just smile.

'Cause sometimes, it's the little things, the ones so small they're almost invisible, that you appreciate most.
And those words left unspoken, they always leave their echoes in your heart.

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I Believed

2010-07-30T13:09:00.006+08:00

I believed in you, every word you said.
And I believed you'll believe me too.

I choose to believe.
Not because I didn't notice that all the pieces of puzzle aren't exactly fitting together.
Not because I can't think properly.

I am actually very well aware,
That what you said, what I heard and what happened
Don't seem like they came from the same story.

And yet,
I never asked any of the thousands of questions boiling inside me.
But that's not because I'm afraid to ask.

I choose to believe, 'cause I care.
And I know only too well
How much it hurts
To hear those little words pointed right at you.
"Did you lie?"

I know because you asked me that
So often I lost count.

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Most Beautiful

2010-07-28T05:36:00.010+08:00

Heyy!
You don't have straight teeth at all.
In fact, I think.. I think you need braces.
Yea, kinda badly too.

But Dear, don't make that the excuse to not smile, you heard me?
'Cause you really should come up with better excuses than this one.
'Cause I won't let you.
'Cause I'm having this terrible, horrible crush on your smile.
There's no reason for this, you know?
But sometimes, love just can't be explained.

You really don't like to smile much, do you?
Is there a secret behind it?
Do you have a secret that makes you sad?
You can share it with me, actually.
'Cause I'm your friend, and that's the law.

One day, we'll be old, really old.
Maybe sixty, maybe eighty.
Maybe then, we'll have wrinkles all over.
Maybe then, we won't have much hair left anymore.
Maybe then, we'll lose all of our teeth.

But Dear, you have to remember,
That even when that happens,
I'll still tell you you have the most beautiful smile ever.

And I'll still mean it.
From inside.
Really.

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The Ultimate Gift

2010-07-25T18:17:00.005+08:00

I want to share this.
The Ultimate Gift is a book that has been made into a Great movie. (note the big letter G)
Watch it if you can, people. :)

.leave.a.hug.

Grow Up

2010-07-23T16:08:00.003+08:00

.leave.a.hug.

Remember the Helmets and Seatbelts

2010-07-19T15:56:00.006+08:00

I lose all the respect for one of the dads I see almost everyday on the way to school.

This dad has a daughter, possibly only eight or nine.
This dad rides a bike, his daughter sits behind him, holding onto him real tight.
His daughter is pretty, she 's got a really nice smile.

I don't like this dad.
He puts on his helmet, but his daughter doesn't have a helmet.
I don't understand how in the world can he remember his own helmet and yet his daughter has no helmet?
It's the very minimum security you have to have when you ride a bike.
Especially if you speed.
And this dad speeds.

Everyone out there,
If you're a dad, or a mom,
Or if you're going to be one someday,
Don't forget to make sure your kids have helmets on.
Or if you have a car, then make them buckle their seatbelts.
And don't speed, don't ever speed.

You don't want to regret when it's too late.

.leave.a.hug.

I'm Learning.

2010-07-01T12:37:00.009+08:00

I've been feeling low for a few weeks, and now I'm thinking it should come to an end. :)
I have quite a lot of sorries to say, actually.

Sorry I was greedy, I asked for so much more when you already gave all that you can.
Sorry I was stubborn, I held on to you for dear life when you had to go, and I made things difficult for us all.
Sorry I was too silly, thinking I could do magic and make things right again, I should have outgrown fairytales so long ago.
Sorry I didn't listen when you were doing the talking. I made you repeat everything, so many times, and I was lucky you were patient with me.
Sorry I was selfish, I focused way too much on my own pain, I forgot that you're actually hurting too, just like me.

I'm learning to let go now.
I'll be letting go, bit by bit, day by day.
I know it'll take time, maybe also a few break downs, but I'll be fine. I've almost always been a fast learner.
I'll hang on, I'll move on.
'Cause I have insurance anyways, I'm not afraid of getting hurt. It's just part of growing up.

I'm lucky to have friends who put up with me all this while.
You don't have to tell me, but I know I've been bothering all of you so much, telling you those stories you probably never wanted to listen to.
You don't have to tell me, but I know I've been acting pretty stupid and kiddish and you're probably quite fed up with me.
I don't think I could stand me if I were you.
You don't have to tell me, but I need to tell you how much I appreciate it.
Thank you. Really. :)

P.S. Labeled this under 'for a friend', but it actually refers to quite a few here.

.leave.a.hug.

My Love Letter-2

2010-06-29T16:38:00.007+08:00

Dear Heart,

I know you're hurting right now, I feel it too. I'm very sorry I can't do anything much to stop the pain.
Will you ever forgive me for this? I promised I'll protect you, but now I can't...

Next time, follow the rules, listen to the Mind. The Mind thinks, you only feel.
Emotions, feelings, they always break us in such a way no other thing can.
There will not be a visible wound, but those cuts can go so deep inside.
Don't make any more mistakes, you can't turn back time and do a correction.
Don't expose yourself to so much risk, you don't want to break again, trust me.
Play on the safe side, Heart.

Keep the doors locked at all times, don't just leave it wide open for anyone to walk in and out so freely.
Those who love you, they will find a way to walk into your world, even without doors.
And these people will be the ones to be there for you all the time, whenever, wherever.
Treasure these people, be contented to have them.
Don't go around getting into trouble, you'll worry them, you'll hurt them.

Ouchies pass. Just sooner or later.
While you wait for things to go back to normal, stay strong.
You've got to move on, Heart. For me, for us.

I love you,
Nic.

.leave.a.hug.

The Magic Word

2010-06-25T14:00:00.007+08:00

Do you still remember the day you walked into my life, a complete stranger?
I do, 'cause that was the day you changed almost everything.

Is it just me, or are you really walking away?
And are you trying to change things back to the way they used to be?
By being like a stranger?
By pretending like we've never met?
I want you to know, it won't be possible.

Our moms used to always tell us to say please if we want to ask a favour from anyone.
It's the magic word, they say.
And I want to believe in that.

Don't give me the cold hard stare, please.
Look at me, talk to me, please.
Tell me we'll be okay, please.
Convince me it's just a silly joke I can "haha" off later, please.

Just don't leave me, please.
Please..?

'Cause you grew to mean so much more than just a friend..

.leave a hug.